One thing you may not know about me is that music fuels my soul. If you think about it. There is always a song for whatever emotion you are feeling. From Mary J Blige to Metallica, The Temptations to Taylor Swift. No matter how you are feeling I bet you there is a song for it.
One song that is really getting me through these tough times right now is ” A CHANGE GONNA COME” By Sam Cooke. The meaning behind the song is Sam talking about all of his trials he and his family and friends endured during the civil rights movement and how he was going to get through it because no matter what at some point “A CHANGE GONNA COME”
Everything that I have been through in my life happened for a reason. What that reason is I am not sure. God put me through every trial, tribulation, happiness and sadness that one person can go through, but some how. I’m still standing. I’m still here. But why though? That is a question I have been asking myself for years now and do I have all of the answers to the reason behind everything, No? But what I do know is that God put me through everything because he knew that “A CHANGE GONNA COME” for me.
Getting sober and put on meds THAT ACTUALLY WORK for my anxiety and depression has been the change I needed. And I didn’t know that I would need it until right now. The last 8 years of my life I have been through a lot. Death, infidelity, more death, self doubt, suicidal thoughts, extreme pressure to be perfect so I don’t feel that type of pain again. All of that led up to my nervous breakdown. That breakdown was my change. My “come to jesus” moment.
When I got sober I didn’t know what life would have instore for me. But little did I know that later on that year I would find the FIRST of many reasons why God put me through everything to lead up to my breakdown and for me to get my s**t right. My nephew Dominick. He went through some things that at the time a 17 year old should not have to go through. And because I got sober and had a different outlook on life and new coping skills, I was able to help him when he needed someone the most. I honestly don’t know how I would have been during that situation if I was still drinking. I know for damn sure that I am glad as hell that I wasn’t. Honestly I feel he helped me out more than I helped him. We both needed each other and I’m so glad to have him in my life. Even though he’s my nephew he’s like my child lol. A 21 year old child lmao. I would do anything and everything for him (and now his soon to be wife and son).
That change was what my life needed. I couldn’t keep going down the road I was on with out any consequences. God really said “see this is what we not gonna do lol”. People get afraid of change because its easier to just stick with what you are currently going through because you already know what it is. But change doesn’t have to be frightening. Change can be amazing. But how you react to it is up to you. God will put you on the right track. But its YOUR job to stay on it. No matter how hard or painful it is.
I know God has more in store for me. Do I know what type of “change is gonna come” on this journey in life? Nope. But whatever it is, It will be a lesson or a blessing
“There’ve been times that I thought I couldn’t last for long
But now I think I’m able to carry on. It’s been a long, a long time coming
But I know a change gon’ come, oh yes, it will”
– Sam Cooke